I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
