and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
