Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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