i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
where are my eyebrows?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
