i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
