there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you inspire me to be a worse person
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
