When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
40s are totally the cure
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
