I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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