I am midnight drunk by noon
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
