you would pick up someone in the library
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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