You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
