We won't sleep together?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
