Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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