I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
