i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
