Just cropdusted the office
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
