i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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