My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Drake has all the answers
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
