so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
sick fucks of a feather flock together
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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