I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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