am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
