Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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