It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
