Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
