you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
