Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
