how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
