just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
