but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
