I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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