I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
