The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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