I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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