We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
