how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
