i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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