Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
