Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
