things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
