nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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