Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
so much tequila, so little girl.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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