Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
smell my finger.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
