in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
