What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
