what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
