just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
