Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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