First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
