WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
