I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
