why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
