i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
