she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
