Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i may or may not be watching the land before time
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
