fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
please come you make the beer taste better
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
