First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
