oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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