The best revenge is premature balding
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
