Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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