my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
