note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize