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Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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