Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
did i walk over a car last night?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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