i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
