it's not cheating when I paid for it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize