Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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