If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
