i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
