I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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