just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
