final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
