3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
