I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Randomize