Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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