I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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