Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
