piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
this hospital has no fireball
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
