worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
