So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize