The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
smell my finger.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
