I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I woke up under a house in Key West
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