there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
