quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
