I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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