You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
