You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
