I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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