i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
