32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
