Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
