I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
