It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
