The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize