no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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