Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
