I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
