Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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