My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
As shirtless as possible
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
