My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
