Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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