On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
