I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
