Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
