omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
