Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Panties = found
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