I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
There's even glitter on my cock...
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