You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
