Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
