I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
There's even glitter on my cock...
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