okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
