I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
