You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
