My hair reeks of homosexuality.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
