I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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