i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
